I have been fortunate enough to have had companionship on most of my fishing adventures, very seldom have I needed to cast a line and chew the fat by myself. Sure some people are loners and prefer it that way, but I think they might have already passed on to the dark side. The last year or so most of my fishing buds have developed other interests and my boet who usually was the go-to-guy also left for greener pastures. Just the other day, while prepping my fishing kit before a weekend away I could have sworn I heard a voice sounding like it came from behind a mask, gghhh, … I am your father… gghhh…
The evening before the day out we would usually have a braai, enjoy a beer or two and get a bit revved up for the prospects that lay ahead the following day. Where are we throwing tomorrow…? The age-old question that has driven many a fisherman a little “goldfishy” (whoops a wall, let’s turn around, whoops wall, let’s turn around). Jay is fully aware of my beyond the next bend syndrome. It is like deciding between pizza and beer or a good pasta and some vino, throwing a soft plastic or a bucktail jig or lately a surface lure is also thrown into the mix, red over yellow or olive over white. Now imagine attempting these decisions by yourself. I think we should try the leerie spot, I think we should try the turn, no it is low tide early morning, definitely try near the river mouth. Great, let’s put it to a vote, everyone in favour of the leerie spot raise your hand… the turn… the river mouth… hmmm all one vote each?
05:00 the alarms goes off. I nearly knock the lamp off the bedside table trying to mute my phone before I wake up the “whole” house. The wife gives me the evil eye but luckily turns around and falls back asleep. Relieved at avoiding a MMA brawl with Ronda Rousey, I think luck might be on my side today… Sticking my head out the bathroom window, nooit bru, it’s still pitch black outside, stuff it, snooze button…. rookie mistake…
Beep beep BEEP! Seriously, have I just time traveled… no way that was 30 minutes….
This time the motivation comes in the form of a proper scolding. Inconsiderate! unnecessary! and some muffled growls from under the duvet. It’s moving, aahh!! Sorry, sorry… I am going, I am going…
In the car, eager to get a lure in the water I make haste up-river, an option that was never on the table the previous night. Don’t suppose that it would be too much of an issue seeing as I was the only voter.
Driving down the road that leads to the water’s edge I can’t help but be a little apprehensive about the chosen destination. I have never fished this area, let alone driven here before. What if the farmer decides to do some target practice with his shotgun? I heard he has a hot daughter, hmm sniper rifle maybe… but what if this is the spot where the buses hang out… votes are in, let’s continue down the rabbit hole, Alice… you gotta risk it to get the biscuit….
The path ends on the bank of the river. No one else here… The dried grass crunch under my feet as I suit up, hope I am wearing the right shoes, maybe I should have worn the gummies, but not keen on looking like a chop, sticking with the Salomons. Backpack on, rods loaded, ready for action. OK, so where to first? Left, right, or straight ahead… Have you ever seen Ice Age? Right before the little sabre-tooth squirrel Scrat loses his shit, he develops a weird eye ball popping twitch… Strike one HP….
The horizon starts to show the first signs of the sun. Breathless, not sure if it was due to the surrounding beauty (which was quite spectacular) or just the cold outside, this is usually where I pull the buff over my face and zip my jacket up to my ears, right after tuning Jays about only wearing shorts and a shirt. I grab the camera for a few snaps of the rising sun. You know, these are those photos you post on Facebook of your trip when you don’t catch any fish…
Golden hour, when things can get magical, adrenaline pumping action. Almost like those varsity Friday afternoon beers after your last class. You are excited that it is weekend, halfway through the second beer you feel on top of the world, but then in a moment of weakness you lose focus, damn you rubber arm… you agree to a shot or two… big mistake, game over, Friday night over, do not pass go, do not collect $200. What am I on about…? Anyway, need to take advantage of the golden hour, that was the point… Stronger in this one the force is getting… Strike two…
I notice a small rocky outcrop that runs into the water, looks good, I hook a left towards it (see how I use a fishing analogy here to demonstrate me choosing a direction… Jimmy is off- the-hook).
The anticipation builds with each step and becomes almost unbearable as I get closer. To make matters worse the kob and elf are klapping the sprats on the surface, grunter waving a little “I won’t take your lure hand(tail) gesture” as they send a few prawns rocketing from their holes in the mud.
I am not even at the spot yet and I have a gooi, nowhere near where I intended. Twitch, twitch, bump! Huh, was that a bump already? Twitch, twitch, bump, vas! Ah off! Cast again, and again into the same spot, but nothing. Should I move to where I was heading initially… but I did have a solid bump right here, flip wish there was someone else to cover that spot over there as well?
If I move over there now I can still get a few casts in before the sunlight covers the water completely. I decide to make 5 more casts here and if nothing happens, move on to where I was initially heading.
So 20 casts later… I move. Perhaps at this spot, 50 meters from where I started the fish prefer a different colour to the one I have had loads of success on before and that had yielded a bite already this morning, yes HP it makes perfect sense, change your lure… but to what, let’s try this one that has never worked before, maybe today is the day… Strike three…
Nothing happens… Annoyed I start to wonder if I should have stayed where I started, at least there was an indication of action… I feel like slapping myself…
Back to a lure I have a lot more confidence in, first cast, a solid hookup. Zzzz the reel screams, ON! I exclaim. Who are you telling that you are ON, you are the only one here? Perhaps the fish needed to hear that he was now hooked. HP, talking to yourself, is the first sign of going crazy… Strike four… (Yes I know what you are thinking, but this is fishing, not baseball, so you get lots of strikes…)
With the catch on the side the real challenge begins. I can’t just let it go, otherwise this becomes a fisherman story again…
What did you catch?
Ja, I caught a couple…
Where are they?
No, I threw them back…
Ja, right…
So not really in the business of keeping fish unless it was one for the braai, the only option is to take a photo. I can’t quite take the lure out of its mouth yet, as this is a very important feature on the photo, proof that it was taken on lure. You put your expensive fishing rod down on a rock with the fish lying in a shallow puddle next to it. Aim the camera at the fish, flap flap flap, the fish still attached to the line, lure in it’s mouth, jerks the rod off the rock, your reel falls in the sandy water, the rod scrapes over the rocks, *%&$^ aahh!!! Annoyed and in a hurry to get the fish back in the water you decide to snap one or two photos of a dirty fish and a rod and reel half in/half out of the picture, we will try something else with the next one, at least there is some sort of proof now.
Soon you have the opportunity to prove your new well thought out concept, a selfie (a selfish… coining it… waiter I would like the fricken please). You don’t want to use the low quality front facing camera so that you can see what’s going on, no, you klap it old-school style where you can’t see the screen. Click, click, ooh… that’s a nice photo… of the rock next to you… next photo you get a bit of the head in and maybe your face as well. Burst mode! Click-click-click, move over Annie Leibovitz, Pappa’s got a new iPhone Plus. This is a bit of an expensive gamble and you decide to place your iPhone Plus back in it’s own backpack… (at least it can double as a side-wall for your shelter if the paw-paw really strikes the fan and you need to Bear Grylls it for a couple of days.
On goes the GoPro… This is usually where the fish develop lockjaw for no apparent reason … loads of action the whole day… and as soon as I pop this baby on top of my head, nothing… I think the fish go into a laughing fit, unable to bite…
About thirty minutes in I finally get another hook-up. It is a better size fish, and the GoPro is recording… whoop whoop! Not sure what to do now, this is virgin territory, so I start giving some random commentary. Don’t put to much pressure on, take your time, from nowhere Petri decides to remote desktop me… Yoh! check hoe vat hy lyn! Yoh, yoh! check hoe vat die pappie lyn! hy is miskien klein maar hy stink soos n grootte… Will have to edit the sound tonight… again…
After releasing my catch it goes quiet. Luckily the GoPro’s battery eventually dies and I can finally get back to catching some fish… (Note to self, next time bring unipod to mount GoPro at a distance, away from being visible to fish)
Twenty or so fish later you decide that it is time to head home. Feeling like Macklemore exiting the thrift shop, the euphoria is short lived… who do you high five, who was there to share this memory?
Shucks, it’s much later than I said I would be back… no one to blame this time… you would think that by now they would have caught on, one last cast never really means it’s your last cast, almost like a loopdop, vrou, ek is nou by die huis, ek drink gou my loopdop klaar… fishing and drinking actually have a lot in common, just don’t mix the two, or you will still be at the water… Fortunately I only have to deal with the fishing part, hi my name is HP and I have a fishing problem…
Your walk back to the car is a quiet one, reality starts to set in again, hoping there is no one waiting in the bushes to relieve you of your tackle. Toemaar, ek piets hom sommer met my iPad, ek bedoel iPhone… solank hy nettie my visstok breek nie…
Nah bud, solo missions are for extreme cases, where the voices in your head become too much and you need to press the reset button with some “vitamin sea”, or when you have just bought some new tackle and need to take it out for just 5 quick casts… my precious… ok, ok, strike five, I am out!
